Every Wednesday there is a buzz in the unit as rumors of when the safety inspection team will be touring the units. The Unit COPs will make special announcements to the orderlies to make sure their assigned areas are, well, "orderly". The safety team consists of one staff member and four inmates. They walk through each unit and check the cleanliness of the common use areas and score the daily cleaning habits of the orderlies. They walk the hallways of the housing area looking for general housekeeping of the cubes. They look for simple things like trash cans that are not empty, floors that have not been swept of mopped recently, and occasional contraband that appears in plain sight. The inspection is taken seriously, which causes a mad dash for cleaning tools before the team arrives. Every violation is itemized and published for all to see. The counselors have threatened those who make the list with further punishment. What more can they do to us for punishment? They can move you from a two man cube to a three man cube. Even worse than this, they can move you to a three man cube next to the bathroom or the television room! Either option is clear motivation to keep your house clean.
The score of each unit is tallied and the unit with the lowest score is released to mainline before the other unit. This is a coveted prize of both units so the competition is fierce! I am amazed at how important this is to the men, considering how much they complain about the food.
The B.O.P. has put together a national five-week rotating menu which I have a copy of. This menu has been in effect for about a year and there is a rumor of a new menu to be released this Fall. When you read the menu, it appears as though we have a selection of food items for each meal, which is not the case. The actual meal will depend on the quantity of food available in the kitchen. This can be a challenge for them because of pilfering that takes place by staff and inmates. Yes, this really happens. Often times the kitchen staff must scramble to prepare another entree while we wait in line.
The advantage of a national menu allows the government to purchase food items in large quantities. They also have the advantage of purchasing lower grade food items that you would likely never see in your grocery store. The quality is inconsistent and in some cases, just not edible!!
Our baked potatoes range from small to huge and many that are mutant. Many are odd-shaped and are given names as they sit on the table as humorous decorations! The larger potatoes are thick-skinned, very tough on the inside and laden with hard spots and rot. I eat around them.
The sweet potatoes are very large, as well, but they generally taste better. I measure their size with shoe sizing. The average size of the sweets is a men's 9 Regular.
Our vegetables come from both cans and fresh -- rather this is "government fresh". Fresh is defined as wrinkled but edible. The green beans still have stems on them when they are slapped on our trays. The broccoli is tough and discolored. The carrots are large but sliced. I assume they are carrots but it is difficult to tell as they have no flavor and the color is washed out to a faint orange. I was really hoping to find good vegetables here as it gives me a healthy alternative to the starches. My hopes have been dashed, but I can tell you the vegetables are very "holy". Back in the laboratory (kitchen) they boil the "hell" out of the vegetables!! LOL. Most of the soggy, lifeless vegetables find their way to the garbage.
We are served rice and beans as an unwelcome staple. The rice is simple white rice but not cooked all the way through, leaving some hard pieces to chew on. The beans are usually unwashed so you have to be careful or you will lose a tooth on the tiny rocks. We pile the pebbles on the table. Last week, the beans were gritty with sand. Once in a while they will take better care in preparing them and adding some flavor to the meal.
Many of the meals require ground beef as an ingredient. In an effort to make the meals healthy, they purchased a ground turkey/beef product. The taste of the ground turkey was slightly "off" and ruffled some feathers, but we ate it as good inmates should. This taste continued to decline until it was so bad that people here would not eat it at all. Many of the inmates submitted Cop Outs in protest of the foul tasting meat product. It wasn't long before they replaced the fowl meat with real beef. The kitchen workers broke silence and told us how the turkey was not properly packaged and had multiple layers of freezer burn. I was working on the loading dock behind the mall sweeping up the remains of bird nests that shed every day when the kitchen boss opened their door. The workers rolled out a pallet loaded high with boxes of the old ground turkey. They proceeded to load these frozen boxes into the trash compactor for their last "migration" to the landfill.
I'm sure your tastebuds are watering for an opportunity to dine here at the Elkton Roadhouse, but we are an exclusive restaurant. The sign outside reads, "Convicted felons only!" The cost to join this club is expensive. Once inside, it is all-inclusive!
The meal quality has been improving. Our inmate-baker had been released, but he broke his probation and has returned. I feel bad that he returned, but I am happy he is baking again! The cakes are moist again and he makes wicked good frosting. I hope he can train someone before he leaves again.
Last week we had a consistent series of evening meals. The cop responsible for this shift is surly and has the demeanor of a cornered badger. It hasn't helped that he has to stay late to serve the Iftar meal for Ramadan. I was walking on the track and this same cop was crossing the track in front of me. I stopped to let him pass and I told him how good the meals have been lately and thanked him. He didn't bite or even snarl at me. He acknowledged my compliment and told me they were trying to make them better. I figure a little kindness might encourage him to do even more.
Holidays here are also very good. During the summer holidays, they serve double entree and extra side items. There is so much food on our trays I can't eat it all. They use a large charcoal grill on the loading dock to add some real barbecue flavor to the meat patties. I'm amazed at how good this meal tastes. I only wish they would put this much effort into all the meals. As we leave the cafeteria after the meal we all walk funny and have expanded shirts. This is not because we ate too much, instead it's because we have stuffed extra food from our trays inside them for a snack later in the day. This practice is not allowed by the letter of the law, however, it is rarely enforced. The staff look the other way unless the management or the wardens are present. As we exit the chow hall, we are handed a brown bag with all the fixin's for a bologna sandwich for our evening meal back in the unit. This allows the staff and inmates who work in the kitchen to have the afternoon off to enjoy the holiday.
I realize the descriptions of the food here may sound like there is nothing to eat. Trust me when I tell you that we are not starving. Despite the lower food grades and apathetic staff leading the kitchen team, there is plenty of food to eat. Sure, some items on our trays end up in the dumpster, but there is plenty of good items to eat. In fact, the Cop who is responsible for the evening meals has gone out of his way to make the meals look and taste better than in the past. I should also tell you that the food served here is far better than what was served to me at the County Jails back in Wisconsin.
I am surrounded by people who love to complain about everything. Although I am tempted to join them once in a while, I purpose to remain thankful for what I have. There are many people on the outside who struggle to put food on the table every day. How could I remain unthankful for what I have?
For lunch today, I had a baked 1/4 chicken with a size 6 sweet potato, boiled kale, and freshly baked chocolate cake that was tall and very moist. I could have had two more pieces of that cake, but I couldn't have eaten any more. Tonight for dinner is steak and cheese subs. My challenge will be finding one without cheese to satisfy my body's demand to abstain from lactose.
So remember that we are called to live a life of thankfulness and not grumbling.
"Give thanks for EVERYTHING to God the Father, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." Ephesians 5:20
Bon appétit !!
(Bryan spelled it: Bon apatiet and commented (I don't know how to spell French words))
McFreedom
