Do you ever feel like your daily routines have you in a rut
and you can't change it? Or maybe you
don't know how to change it to make it better or different. Living in an
environment where your surroundings and routine rarely change can wear on a
person after a time. This is true
outside of prison and inside of a prison where there is not much you can do to
change things. I have experienced this
rut mentally many times over in my life.
Driving to work following the same route every day, doing the same routine
of work until you can escape the madness, taking the same route to church,
living the same daily routine. The
routines themselves are not wrong; they may even be beneficial for us. They help us to establish good habits that
bring us wisdom and good physical health, and wealth. I believe routines are good to establish
needed disciplines. They have improved
my life and made me a better man because of them. But sometimes it feels like you are going
through the motions without any hope for change.
Sometimes these routines in our lives become rote. The purpose of these routines can become
blurry when they are the same every day.
We end up going through the motions and do not reap any benefit from
them. Sometimes they even appear to lose
their meaning. This was the case for me
the past few months. Life has become
very repetitive and it's routines -
rote. Reading books was no longer
interesting and more often put me to sleep like a good sleep aide. I had too many books I want to read and have
made progress in each one but finished few.
This is not all bad as some these are for research and Bible Study and
the knowledge I gained from them were valuable to prove or understand a topic
of Christian faith that was needed at that time. Writing has also become a chore as the words
often became tangled in my thoughts, leaving incoherent ramblings on a page.
When routines become rote, desire and inspiration seem distant. For me, I need variety in my routines and
disciplines.
I knew I needed to make some changes to get out of this rut.
I just did not know where to start. What
I wanted to do was get away for the weekend (or longer) to have a retreat in
solitude away from everyone else. I
needed something to energize me and help me to see from a different
perspective. I was certain the warden would not approve my need to get away
unless I wanted to spend some time in the hole.
Even that would have some benefits, but I don't want to go back there
again.
Something else that would help, when you are in a rut, is
bacon. When you add some savory, thick
sliced, hickory bacon to your life everything is better. The flavor of bacon helps you to think
better. Sometimes all you need to do is
smell it and feel better. Here at Camp
Elkton, we do not get bacon except for some little bits in a bottle that you
can shake on your salad. However, if
they would serve us bacon, I am certain that the residents would get along
better and have a better life without getting stuck in the same old
routine. We NEED bacon!
I have a couple of good friends here who gave me some good
ideas to get me out of the rut. One
challenged me with getting out of my comfort zone. The other encouraged me to add something new
to my routine in order to change it up.
We started walking together on a daily basis. Not just a stroll, but a power walk. I had wanted to do this, but I was too stuck
in my rut to get started. This new
routine, which I have named "Project 220", adds about two hours to my
daily schedule and has given me some variety in my life here. I hope to lose some weight and get in better
shape, also. We started out at 11 laps,
which is 3 miles, and moved up to 18 laps for 5 miles. We vary the distance and speed on certain
days so that it does not become a chore to stay motivated each day. It has been 4 weeks since we started and I am
seeing some improvement in how I feel during and after the walk. However, it did not come without some pain. My ankle with its arthritis, from a fall off
my roof many years ago, was stiff and swollen.
My feet got blisters and then there is that whole chafing issue! As if that wasn't enough, I developed a
literal pain in my buttocks and discovered that it was likely a [psychotic]
sciatic nerve pain (I left in Bryan’s typo of psychotic JUST BECAUSE I thought
it was a Freudian faux pas). It was excruciating for a while and I had to slow
it down and take a couple of days off from walking. Perhaps it is this nerve people refer to when
they tell you that you are "getting on my last nerve". With the help of Chad, my coach, I was able
to push through the pain with some modification to our schedule and keep
going. Had I not had his encouragement I
would likely have quit in the midst of my pain.
I am thankful to say that the [psychotic] pain in my buttocks is gone
now and I am back on my routine pushing 5 miles per day.
I also decided to step out of my comfort zone and sign up
for the over-50 softball league this summer.
Keep in mind that I have not played organized softball since the late
80's and that was for a short time. The
other softball leagues here are the A and B leagues. The first is the serious players who are
extremely talented and have played good softball. I have watched enough of all three leagues
last year that if I were to play any softball, I did not want to play in
anything but the old man league. This
would be the safest and most fun league to be a part of.
There is one other addition I made to my routine, which is
out of character for me. I joined a
drawing class, which is taught by another resident here. If you have ever seen my attempt to draw a
stick figure you would know that I was not gifted with artistic
expression. You might even go as far to
say that I was afflicted with a lack of talent.
But again, my purpose in doing so was to change up my routine and
stereotype of myself and try something different. There is also another motive
involved here. When I was in 9th grade
at my new high school, I knew that I was not gifted in art but I desired to
take a photography class and learn how to use a 35mm camera to capture natural
art. So I signed up for the course in
photography taught by Mr. Armstrong.
Little did I know that in his class, he required you to be able to draw
out the basic concepts of good art before you were allowed to handle a
camera. When I heard this my heart sank
and I knew I was doomed. I never
finished all the required drawings so I never got to handle a camera in that
class. I was devastated by his teaching
style. I was failing the class at the
end of the semester, but he gave me a sympathy grade of D minus. I believe he felt he did me a favor but I
also believe this was more about keeping me from coming back to make up the
class. Just saying. So this class is my attempt to stop letting
Mr. Armstrong defeat me. So this is my
chance to redeem myself from that poor grade and a very unpleasant experience I
had in Mr. Armstrong's class. No, I do
not expect to become a gifted artist here.
But I do want to overcome this failure of my past.
By adding these events to my daily life here I have been
successful in getting out of the rut I had been in for awhile. Now life is fresher and I have gained a new
perspective. My days are very full now
and I find myself working to maintain my schedule. I wish I had a pocket day timer to help keep
track of it all. My nap times are
shorter and less frequent now. I still get
a nap in when I can, but they are much shorter than before; more of a power nap
- enough to refresh me for the next part of the day. Work has been busy for me and I have been working
longer hours. This means that I miss one
of my favorite routines of listening to the radio broadcast of Orchard Hill
Church at 9:30 am. I enjoy listening to
pastor Kurt as he delivers theologically correct messages that challenge and
inspire me. All of which are things I
cannot get here in from our chaplains.
Recently, I wrote to the radio station that broadcasts these messages to
thank them for their ministry and I asked them to send me copies of their
program schedule. They did this for me,
and more. What amazed me in reviewing
the program schedule is that Orchard Hill is broadcast twice a day at 4:00 am
and 9:30. I did not know this and so,
since I get up at 4am every day anyway, I modified my morning schedule a little
so I could listen to Pastor Kurt at 4am.
This has been such a blessing for me.
So now I need to add something back into my routines and
that is doing more writing. My journal
entries have been absent and I know that many have asked Jeannie about
updates. I have not felt very motivated
or inspired to write about this place or anything else. It is hard to do when you life is in one of
those ruts. I needed a break from
writing but now it is time to end the break. So this is my return to the keyboard to send
you some updates of life here at Camp Elkton and what God is doing here. I will work to schedule the time to keep you
updated as life unfolds here on Elkton Mountain.
So that is the news from Camp Elkton; where the guards are lazy and the inmates are
innocent no matter what the Judge said.
May God Bless you this beautiful spring season.
Love
McFreedom
