Do you ever feel like you are in a rut????

Do you ever feel like your daily routines have you in a rut and you can't change it?  Or maybe you don't know how to change it to make it better or different. Living in an environment where your surroundings and routine rarely change can wear on a person after a time.  This is true outside of prison and inside of a prison where there is not much you can do to change things.  I have experienced this rut mentally many times over in my life.  Driving to work following the same route every day, doing the same routine of work until you can escape the madness, taking the same route to church, living the same daily routine.   The routines themselves are not wrong; they may even be beneficial for us.  They help us to establish good habits that bring us wisdom and good physical health, and wealth.  I believe routines are good to establish needed disciplines.  They have improved my life and made me a better man because of them.  But sometimes it feels like you are going through the motions without any hope for change.

Sometimes these routines in our lives become rote.  The purpose of these routines can become blurry when they are the same every day.  We end up going through the motions and do not reap any benefit from them.  Sometimes they even appear to lose their meaning.  This was the case for me the past few months.  Life has become very repetitive and it's routines -  rote.  Reading books was no longer interesting and more often put me to sleep like a good sleep aide.  I had too many books I want to read and have made progress in each one but finished few.   This is not all bad as some these are for research and Bible Study and the knowledge I gained from them were valuable to prove or understand a topic of Christian faith that was needed at that time.  Writing has also become a chore as the words often became tangled in my thoughts, leaving incoherent ramblings on a page. When routines become rote, desire and inspiration seem distant.  For me, I need variety in my routines and disciplines. 

I knew I needed to make some changes to get out of this rut. I just did not know where to start.  What I wanted to do was get away for the weekend (or longer) to have a retreat in solitude away from everyone else.  I needed something to energize me and help me to see from a different perspective. I was certain the warden would not approve my need to get away unless I wanted to spend some time in the hole.  Even that would have some benefits, but I don't want to go back there again. 

Something else that would help, when you are in a rut, is bacon.  When you add some savory, thick sliced, hickory bacon to your life everything is better.  The flavor of bacon helps you to think better.  Sometimes all you need to do is smell it and feel better.  Here at Camp Elkton, we do not get bacon except for some little bits in a bottle that you can shake on your salad.  However, if they would serve us bacon, I am certain that the residents would get along better and have a better life without getting stuck in the same old routine.  We NEED bacon!           

I have a couple of good friends here who gave me some good ideas to get me out of the rut.  One challenged me with getting out of my comfort zone.  The other encouraged me to add something new to my routine in order to change it up.  We started walking together on a daily basis.  Not just a stroll, but a power walk.  I had wanted to do this, but I was too stuck in my rut to get started.  This new routine, which I have named "Project 220", adds about two hours to my daily schedule and has given me some variety in my life here.  I hope to lose some weight and get in better shape, also.  We started out at 11 laps, which is 3 miles, and moved up to 18 laps for 5 miles.  We vary the distance and speed on certain days so that it does not become a chore to stay motivated each day.  It has been 4 weeks since we started and I am seeing some improvement in how I feel during and after the walk.  However, it did not come without some pain.  My ankle with its arthritis, from a fall off my roof many years ago, was stiff and swollen.  My feet got blisters and then there is that whole chafing issue!  As if that wasn't enough, I developed a literal pain in my buttocks and discovered that it was likely a [psychotic] sciatic nerve pain (I left in Bryan’s typo of psychotic JUST BECAUSE I thought it was a Freudian faux pas). It was excruciating for a while and I had to slow it down and take a couple of days off from walking.  Perhaps it is this nerve people refer to when they tell you that you are "getting on my last nerve".  With the help of Chad, my coach, I was able to push through the pain with some modification to our schedule and keep going.  Had I not had his encouragement I would likely have quit in the midst of my pain.  I am thankful to say that the [psychotic] pain in my buttocks is gone now and I am back on my routine pushing 5 miles per day.

I also decided to step out of my comfort zone and sign up for the over-50 softball league this summer.  Keep in mind that I have not played organized softball since the late 80's and that was for a short time.  The other softball leagues here are the A and B leagues.  The first is the serious players who are extremely talented and have played good softball.  I have watched enough of all three leagues last year that if I were to play any softball, I did not want to play in anything but the old man league.  This would be the safest and most fun league to be a part of. 

There is one other addition I made to my routine, which is out of character for me.  I joined a drawing class, which is taught by another resident here.  If you have ever seen my attempt to draw a stick figure you would know that I was not gifted with artistic expression.  You might even go as far to say that I was afflicted with a lack of talent.  But again, my purpose in doing so was to change up my routine and stereotype of myself and try something different. There is also another motive involved here.  When I was in 9th grade at my new high school, I knew that I was not gifted in art but I desired to take a photography class and learn how to use a 35mm camera to capture natural art.  So I signed up for the course in photography taught by Mr. Armstrong.  Little did I know that in his class, he required you to be able to draw out the basic concepts of good art before you were allowed to handle a camera.  When I heard this my heart sank and I knew I was doomed.  I never finished all the required drawings so I never got to handle a camera in that class.  I was devastated by his teaching style.  I was failing the class at the end of the semester, but he gave me a sympathy grade of D minus.  I believe he felt he did me a favor but I also believe this was more about keeping me from coming back to make up the class.  Just saying.  So this class is my attempt to stop letting Mr. Armstrong defeat me.  So this is my chance to redeem myself from that poor grade and a very unpleasant experience I had in Mr. Armstrong's class.  No, I do not expect to become a gifted artist here.  But I do want to overcome this failure of my past. 

By adding these events to my daily life here I have been successful in getting out of the rut I had been in for awhile.  Now life is fresher and I have gained a new perspective.  My days are very full now and I find myself working to maintain my schedule.  I wish I had a pocket day timer to help keep track of it all.  My nap times are shorter and less frequent now.  I still get a nap in when I can, but they are much shorter than before; more of a power nap - enough to refresh me for the next part of the day.  Work has been busy for me and I have been working longer hours.  This means that I miss one of my favorite routines of listening to the radio broadcast of Orchard Hill Church at 9:30 am.  I enjoy listening to pastor Kurt as he delivers theologically correct messages that challenge and inspire me.  All of which are things I cannot get here in from our chaplains.  Recently, I wrote to the radio station that broadcasts these messages to thank them for their ministry and I asked them to send me copies of their program schedule.  They did this for me, and more.  What amazed me in reviewing the program schedule is that Orchard Hill is broadcast twice a day at 4:00 am and 9:30.  I did not know this and so, since I get up at 4am every day anyway, I modified my morning schedule a little so I could listen to Pastor Kurt at 4am.  This has been such a blessing for me.

So now I need to add something back into my routines and that is doing more writing.  My journal entries have been absent and I know that many have asked Jeannie about updates.  I have not felt very motivated or inspired to write about this place or anything else.  It is hard to do when you life is in one of those ruts.   I needed a break from writing but now it is time to end the break.  So this is my return to the keyboard to send you some updates of life here at Camp Elkton and what God is doing here.  I will work to schedule the time to keep you updated as life unfolds here on Elkton Mountain.

So that is the news from Camp Elkton;  where the guards are lazy and the inmates are innocent no matter what the Judge said.

May God Bless you this beautiful spring season.

Love

McFreedom