LIVING IN A SHOE

My memory seems to let me down more and more these days.  I do remember an old Nursery Rhyme I heard when I was a child called, "There Was an Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe".  Now, I can't remember the entire story, but I remember she lived in an old shoe with many kids.  I'm sure it must have smelled bad on the inside.  This is the picture that first entered my mind when I was told by a guard that I would be staying in the SHU at Terror Hut.  My vision of the SHU was completely wrong, with the exception of the smell...and the spelling.  This SHU is an acronym that stands for "Special Housing Unit".

The name makes it sound more like a privileged place for people of importance.  It sounds like any upgrade from the ordinary.  When I used to travel for my former employer, I would often be told that I had been awarded an upgrade in seating on the plane from coach to first class, or when I arrived at my hotel and the clerk at the counter would smile at me and tell me that she was going to upgrade my room to a suite on the concierge floor of the hotel.  When this happened, I really felt "special"!  So when I hear the term "Special Housing Unit", my mind thinks about an upgrade and not a down grade in living conditions  Hence, the irony when the B.O.P. (Bureau of Prisons) decided to name these confinement areas as "Special".  These areas are often referred to as the "HOLE" by the occupants.

I spent 13 days in the hole at Terror Hut.  Today marks my 30th day in the hole at Elkton. I am plagued by the old song by "The Artist Formerly Known As Prince" titled, "30 Days in the Hole".  It makes me sad that I remember that song.

Spending 43 days in the SHU, I have gained a fair amount of insight and understand about the SHU and its purpose.  This new understanding does not change my circumstances, but it does change my perspective of it.  So many times in my life, I have felt trapped and overwhelmed by my circumstances.  When this happens, it is hard to make good decisions because my judgement is blurred.  So I would become stuck in a rut and I would realize that I needed help to get out of it.  God has shown me different ways to do this that have really helped me.  At work we had a technique we called the 50,000 foot view.  We would take a problem that seemed unsolvable and look at it from 50,000 feet.  Suddenly, our problem seemed smaller to us.  This helped us to remove the clutter from our minds so we could get the big picture. 

In my personal life, when I was trying to solve bigger and more important problems, I would feel like my mind was stuck much like a vinyl album with a scratch in it.  In order to get past the scratch, I would lift the needle and put it on the other side.  I would do this by engaging in a project around the house, or I would go out to the woods for a change of scenery most often.  I would simply talk to my Godly wife who would help me to see a different perspective.  I usually had to stew over the problem by myself first.  After following one or more of these strategies, God would give me clarity in understanding the circumstances that seemed so overwhelming at the time.  As He did then, God has now shown me some clarity regarding the SHU.

Every Federal Prison, and I assume State Prisons, have a form of a SHU.  They use these units for many reasons.  They are used for Discipline for bad behavior, Segregation for Safety of inmates, Hold over for prisoner transport, or while waiting for open bed space in the general population.  The primary purpose is for discipline.  They design the SHU to be a prison within a prison.  They took the worst case scenario of a violent inmate and created the SHU.  The facility is indestructible, although it appears many have tried to prove them wrong.  The rules and procedures are highly restrictive with NO exceptions.

The guards are trained to behave more like soldiers in a war.  They are enforcers of the rules.  They use force when it is required, but more frequently use intimidation as their weapon of choice.  Some are simply unhappy and mean-spirited, and others are firm and respectful and even kind.

When you first enter a SHU, they do not know anything about you, so they assume you are violent.  After you have been here for a while, they will give you respect if you demonstrate the same.  There are a few that just don't care.  The rules are the same for everyone in the SHU no matter why you were sent there.  This is the most difficult rule that many inmates, including myself must overcome.  The guards don't care for complainers, so they will often answer your question with sarcasm or sometimes just walk away from you.  The cell next to mine had a new inmate who asked many questions and logged complaints to the guards and even the Unit Manager.  I would listen carefully when he did this and I could hear the annoyance grow in the voices of the staff.

My house (cell) is a quaint little "studio".  It is 11 x 7 and built like a fortress.  The room is shaped like a backwards L to accommodate a recessed, stainless steel shower stall.  It has a push button that runs the shower for one minute and alternates between ice water cold to scalding hot.  Next to the shower is the famed "uni-toilet".  It's efficient design combines toilet, sink and toilet paper holder in one compact unit made out of polished stainless steel.  This also serves as a living room chair, as it has a nice backrest to lean on.  The problem is that there is no lid to flip down, which causes your legs to fall asleep after a while.  The best feature of the uni-toilet is the push button flush.  Since the "house" is small, odors and sounds travel quickly.  The push button allows for continuous flushing which creates a white noise to mask other noises and it creates a vacuum more powerful than most ceiling fans!  The down side is the cold water cools the steel which also makes your skin get cold.  It's a small sacrifice to make for better air quality.  To honor a cell-y's privacy while using the uni-toilet, you must first announce that you need to go number 1 or 2.  There are two options for the cell-y who must endure your privacy:  1.  There is a corner that forms the backward L and he can stand in it.  This puts him 3 feet away from you and out of sight.  Or 2.  The cell-y can roll over in his bunk and cove his head and nose with his blanket.  Of course, this is awkward at first, but you will get used to it.

Opposite the bathroom is a small steel desk bolted to the cinder blocks.  There is a round seat that swings out when you want to use it.  This also is very efficient as it also works as a "table for one" to eat meals.  This has yet another feature which is most important:  It serves as a ladder to reach the top bunk!  It is very sturdy but hard to find in the dark of night.

The bedroom consists of a steel bunk bed along the west wall.  The bunk is also very sturdy with four bolts holding it to the concrete floor.  I have the top bunk assignment, so I have a great view of the entire "house".  There is an 18" square window next to me.  It has two round bars protecting the glass behind it.  The glass is coated on the outside so it only allows me to see light come through.  On clear days, I can watch the orange circle of sun as it fades over the horizon.  The ledge of the window has become storage for a few items, which is not allowed in the rules.  I usually sit in front of the window when they have inspections.

At the foot of my bunk there is a small area that the guards cannot see from the door window.  This is where I taped up Christmas cards, a drawing from my grandson and a picture of a Christmas Tree that Jeannie put in her living room this year.  This is my "house" Christmas Tree.

The room is lit with a 4 bulb fluorescent light that we cannot control.  It is bright and cheery.  At 9:30 p.m. they turn it off and turn on a smaller light inside the fixture.  I sleep with a shirt or towel over my head to make it dark.

This is my "house" - all 364 cinder blocks of it!  Our meals are delivered through a hole in the door three times a day.  We get clean linens delivered twice a week.  Clean clothes are delivered three times a week.  (Jeannie says this is better than he got at home!!!!)

In the 30 days I have been here in Elkton, I have left the "house" twice.  Once for a shake down by the guards to search for contraband and to make sure I had not chewed through the steel bars on the window!  The other time was for a trip to visit the medical department.  I met the dentist who inventoried my teeth and past dental work.  Then I met the doctor who did a history of my health.  I believe the doctor is a Christian, based on a few brief comments he made in our conversation.  I hope to talk to him more when I have my "over-50" exam with him.  :-(   It was nice to be in the medical department.  They treated me as a fellow human, despite the handcuffs I was required to wear outside my "house".  Remember, they consider us all to be violent.

The rest of the time is spent in the "house".  Our schedule is simple:
6:00 a.m.  - Lights get bright and breakfast is served
6:30 a.m.  - Go back to bed until bored
10:30 a.m. - Lunch is served
4:30 p.m.  - Dinner is served
5:30 p.m. - Mail call ( My FAVORITE!!!)
9:30 p.m. - Lights dim for the night

The time in between these scheduled events is spent sleeping or napping, reading, praying, listening to the radio Bible teachers, talking to the cell-y, writing letters, thinking about family, and battling boredom.

I do keep very busy here.  I am blessed to have friends and family who support and encourage me while I am here.  All of my cell-ys have been amazed at the mail I receive.  They have told me they just don't have that many people outside to keep in touch with.  I am humbled when they tell me this.

Even with this, there are times when I feel miserable and alone.  The mail takes 6-7 days to arrive here and it is another week to reply.  This has been very frustrating to get 'old news'.  It was worse this Christmas.  I was already having a "blue" Christmas, then a blizzard hit in Wisconsin and made it here to Ohio.  This delayed the mail along with the holiday schedules and large volumes of mail.  It was difficult to be isolated in the SHU for the holidays.  I gave these feelings to God and asked Him for comfort.  As always, God came through and answered my prayer in several ways.

It started with a radio teacher (I forget which one) who was teaching on 2 Timothy 4:9-19.  The Apostle Paul was in prison in Rome.  They called the prison the Mamertine Prison.  He described it as a hole in the ground with a hole on the top which he was lowered into.  They placed a rock over the top in case he could jump really high.  The conditions were primitive.  No showers, no uni-toilet, no mattress, and no heat.  He knew his death was not far off.  His friends all left him except Luke.  Winter was coming soon and he did not have his cloak.  The conditions were miserable.  His death was imminent.  He was cold, his friends abandoned him, and yet all he wanted was his Bible and paper to write.  He did not get hung up on his circumstances!  Instead he praised God for his strengh and comfort, so he could continue teaching!  This man had great faith and courage, even in the worst conditions and circumstances!

So when I read this passage, I am humbled.  If Paul can have that kind of faith in Rome, I can have that same faith here in my "house".  I have it pretty nice here.  I don't have anything to complain about!  God is good to His children.  We need to trust Him more.

I was also encouraged by some printed sermons from John Piper's church.  My sister, Cindy, prints them out and mails them to me.  One in particular really struck me.  The title was "The Invincible, Irrefutable Joy", written by Tony Reinke from "Desiring God".  In this article he shares how Dietrich Bonhoeffer was put into a Nazi prison where the conditions were described as putrid.  He was lonely, sick and feared for his life.  this man had faith like Paul!

The stories of these two men convicted me to trust God more than my feelings and personal comfort.  These men never knew me, but they encouraged me when I really needed it.  God knew all along that I needed this.  He knows all our needs.  We MUST trust Him!!

The net time I am feeling miserable and lonely like I was this Christmas, when I feel surrounded by my troubles and can't see past them, I need to go to God and ask Him to change my perspective.  God can take your problems far beyond 50,000 feet.  He will listen to you and allow you to talk through the solution with Him.  He will distract you from your problems so you can see them in a different light.  God is the great equalizer.

Where ever you are, and whatever problems you are facing, take them to Jesus and ask Him for a new perspective.  He will fill you with incredible Joy!

A final note worthy of Praise to God:  when you are in the SHU for 30 days, you are allowed to make one 15 minute phone call.  Since I am new, my phone account was not completely set up yet.  I have been praying that God would work out the details to make it work so I could make the call.  He did!!  I was blessed to be able to hear the voice of my bride tonight!!!  It has been 44 days since we last spoke to each other.  I praise God for this answer to prayer!  

McFreedom