I recall how over-whelming that list had become and I wondered how it would be remotely possible to complete them all. There were times the pressure was so intense I couldn't do ANYTHING! I simply froze and could not move forward. Until August when we got the official plea deal, we didn't have a plan or firm understanding of how much time I would have to accomplish the tasks on the bucket list.
Even now, as I reflect on the bucket list, it is very clear to me how God has blessed us through this experience, at a time when we were facing our lowest of lows in our lives. We had an inordinate number of things on our list of things to get done. Here is a sample of some of them:
- renovate our Minnesota duplex (which had been vacant for 6 months - plummeting us toward financial disaster)
- Sell the duplex in a tentative housing market
- Install new doors on our home
- Replace wall covering in our family room
- Declutter our basement
- Clean out the garage
- Host a garage sale and get rid of excess stuff
- Move the laundry room to the main floor
- Repair and remodel the guest bathroom
- and many, many more smaller projects
If I took the time to list everything, it would take several more pages to write it all down (and you would be bored to tears!!!) I should mention that while working on this list, we had a few other very critical things to do, as well, such as:
- Maintain my employment
- Finding recovery for my addiction
- Caring for my wife when she broke her leg in a "running accident" (Bandit was the one running!!)
- Restoring our damaged and broken marriage
- Reconciling shattered relationships
- Spending time with family and friends
- Finding a good lawyer
- Planning for our financial future (Thank you Dave Ramsey)
- And again...many, many, many more things
The bucket list turned into a mountain that seemed to loom over us and seemed to grow bigger all the time. It felt like it would be impossible to climb it. So we tried something we hadn't always been good at; we prayed and turned everything over to God. There was nothing else we could do. We were at the end of our rope. We were defeated. We could no longer do this on our own.
The day Jeannie broke her leg, or perhaps the correct way to say this is: the day our "innocent, fun-loving, muscular ball of bounding energy" a.k.a. Bandit ran into Jeannie causing her to break her leg as she fell to the ground on Easter Sunday was when our mountain just got bigger and even more impossible. I literally cried out to God, asking Him...no DEMANDING Him to explain why He let this all happen. I followed that up with an equally demanding e-mail to our pastors asking them why God would allow this to happen to her. Certainly our pastors would have these answers. But they didn't. However, they could pray for us and encourage us as we sought God for the answers.
I have been learning that God listens to us when we cry out to Him. He heard me and He answered my request. I didn't see the answer right away, but it is very clear to me now. At the time I thought I needed to roll up my sleeves and get busy on the list. However, God had another plan. He wanted me to SLOW DOWN! I was instantly conflicted and confused. How would I get anything done if I was sitting around the house taking care of my injured beloved? Yet, that is what I HAD to do. She needed me and I now realize how much I needed her. I wanted to work on the tangible tasks but God wanted us to work on the "intangibles". We spent our days reading the Bible and praying together. I sat next to her all day, as I did my job, taking breaks for meals, pain medication for Jeannie and bathroom breaks (hers and mine). My conference calls were so dreadful that she would often nap during them. This made me "jealous" of her...LOL. We followed this routine day in and day out until she was able to take care of herself.
Looking back at this time, I can see how God used this horrible accident to heal and restore our marriage. In fact, it was by far the single-most beneficial event in the entire process. God knew all along that we needed this time together. Without this opportunity, we would likely have worked on the "list' in our own strength and our own "wisdom" and totally missed the blessings!! This would have added more strain to our already wounded marriage. Instead, we were able to grow much closer together as the wounds (both physical and spiritual) began to heal. Our marriage grew so much stronger as we sought God together as a couple. It was this process that became the foundation of our recovery. It was required by God before we could resume the work on the bucket list.
The mountainous list still seemed insurmountable to us, but we had a new plan; Trust God and get busy doing HIS work. We started out slowly. It was amazing to see how God began to bless us. He knew we could not move this mountain alone, so He brought us help in the form of family and friends. The first project was ominous and daunting. One of our tenants left our rental apartment in a disaster. The unit needed a full renovation from walls to floors to appliances. My brother, Bill, who is an independent contractor, stepped in and rescued us on this project. He took on the bulk of the work to make this unit "show ready". We came up on the weekends to "assist" him and do whatever we could without getting in his way. It took a few months to complete all the projects, but it really was a gem when it was finished. THANK YOU BILL!!!!
My wife, Jeannie, has helped out so much in the management and maintenance of the rental property over the last 12 years. She encouraged me when I could no longer see the forest for the trees. She worked tirelessly over the years with little reward. THANK YOU JEANNIE!!
Now we needed renters so we could show the property's value as an income property for resale. (It is always a struggle referring to this place as an "income property" because we have rarely seen any reliable "income from this place. My sister, Cindy, and her husband, Bruce, stepped up to help us find new renters. Bruce's background in managing his own rental properties was very useful. He advertised he apartment, answered countless calls and made many trips out of his way to show the unit to perspective renters. Cindy, too, chased down credit reports and background checks to help us find a good tenant. They did find us a pair of renters -- the same day we received a solid offer on the sale of the house!! THANK YOU BRUCE AND CINDY!!!
My sister, Robyn and her husband, Mark, along with their sons, Ben and Jake, helped with many of the finishing touches on the house and the clean up work before the showings. They also recommended a reputable Real estate agent with a proven aggressive sales record. We closed the sale of the house two months later!!!! THANK YOU MARK, ROBYN, BEN AND JAKE!!
I cannot forget my parents and all they contributed in time and effort in getting this "mountain moved". They provided counsel, wisdom and labor over the years to keep this rental project alive. They opened the Grafton Bed and Breakfast for Jeannie and I anytime we needed a place to stay while we worked on the property. THANK YOU MOM AND DAD!!!!
Back in Marshfield, we had started to work on a project to fill a hole in the wall of the family room where a window once resided. It seemed best to simply replace the ugly paneling in the room. I remember saying, "This should be a quick project!" If I use these words again, in your presence, RUN AWAY!!!! We replaced the paneling with knotty pine to create a rustic "cabin" motif...which then led to replacing the front windows which were in horrible shape....which led to replacing the two doors in the room....which led to adding a coat closet...which led to.....well, you get the drift...! I soon realized I was well-beyond my "handy-man" skills. I was so blessed to have a new friend, Mike, who came to my rescue time and time again on many projects around our house. Another long-time friend, Dave, from White Bear Lake, MN, came down to help on the paneling project. He also brought a pal for Bandit to play with while we worked. THANK YOU MIKE AND DAVE...AND ERNIE!!!
One of the last major projects to complete was the upstairs bathroom remodel. Jeannie designed the renovation and we went shopping for the most inexpensive, but nice, items we could find in the "close out" section of Menards. We were now in the midst of all the court dates, so it was going to be challenging to get this project finished before I was to be incarcerated. I had expected to lose my job long before I actually did, which would have afforded me more time to work on this project. But, Praise God, that did not happen! The demolition was completed and then the courts decided I would be too much of a "risk" to let me stay in my house any longer, so I was placed under house arrest at my brother- and sister-in-laws' home in the country outside of Pittsville. I never got to see this project through to it's finish, but had a couple of plans that didn't work out. Despite this failed plan, God provided a better plan for Jeannie and I. He knew what we needed and all we needed to do was trust Him!!
The solution God had for us was a team of four men from Faith Fellowship who love to serve with their hands. They stepped up to complete the work I had begun. They worked tirelessly, even coming in while Jeannie was visiting me in Ohio, to get this project finished. I am deeply humbled by the help they and so many others provided us as we worked toward completing our bucket list. Because of their help, our "Edison Bed and Breakfast" is open for business once again for friends and family. Jeannie tells me it is absolutely beautiful!!
It is a strange and awful feeling to be unable to contribute to this project which I started. I feel so helpless not being able to work on my own home. I have also learned that there is pride involved here, too. Men, by nature, do not like accepting help when they need it. I am one of them, and I am truly thankful to Pastor Jason at NRC for opening my eyes to this two years ago when I sat in his office a broken man. So I am yet again humbled by these men who have stepped up to finish this project on my behalf!! THANK YOU JEFF, JOE, TOM AND ED!!!!
God blessed me with 18 months of freedom to work on this bucket list. We put God first and honored His commands. God blessed us by moving our mountain! He surrounded us with many people who helped us by physically helping us, praying for us, encouraging us and counseling us, and just plain loving on us with amazing grace!
I don't want to neglect two people who offered me a home, away from home, in order to allow me to enjoy two additional months of freedom. I will always be grateful and bear a tattoo to make sure I never forget how precious our time was together....THANK YOU BILL AND CINDY for your gracious love and putting up with long-term "guests"!!!
I want to thank our kids for the way they have forgiven and shown grace to me, too. I know it has not always been easy, but THANK YOU JOHNMARK, ANDI, JAKE AND EMILY for standing by me and taking care of your mom!!
I know I have probably neglected to mention many who have also been instrumental in helping us through this past two years and for that I am sorry. You have all been a blessing to Jeannie and I and such encouragement on this road we walk. Thank you for being God's hands and feet and heart.
McFreedom!!
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