"ESCAPE-PROOF REALITY"

It's Saturday night and I feel compelled to write an update, which is long overdue.

After dinner, I watched the sky, with its amazing color show.  A large patch of clouds with a wavy appearance, much like the wind carves waves in the sand.  The clouds were a brilliant burnt orange against the turquoise sky.  The trees on the West side have dropped most of their leaves.  The trees stood as silhouettes against the harvest sunset skyline.  The strong afternoon wind has slowed to a barely noticeable breeze, giving the orange windsocks a rest for the night.

One of my homeboys came outside and we walked along the never ending nature trail.  He has been reading the "Pure" book I gave him and he had a few questions that we discussed.  I shared with him how we can remove the power sin has over us when we confess it to each other.  I told him about the freedom I found from my sin when I shared with 18 men in the loft at Valleybrook Church two years ago.

He's not ready for that step, but he is not giving up.  We finished our talk and he joined his bocci partner on the court as I headed back to my cube for an evening of writing and listening to the "Prairie Home Companion" show.  I find this to be one way to stay connected to home.

Tonight's show was broadcast live in Bemidji, MN.  They had a couple of local deer hunters on stage talking about the day's hunt.  I thought about my home boys back in "Tinysota", wondering if they had any success this opening weekend.  I have always enjoyed hunting with them, even though it is expensive to purchase an out-of-state license.  Those trips are over for me know, but I will always have the memories from our adventures at Deer Camp.

The show continued with the classic introduction "Well, it's been a quiet week in Lake Woebegone…"
My favorite part as Garrison tells the attest news in this mythical town.  Just as he started the story, my friend stopped by to talk.  This friend came to me earlier this week asking me and another Brother in Christ to check up on him as he was feeling very depressed.  The government had seized all of his bank accounts to collect his penalty.  The problem was, they could not locate one of his accounts, which sent him into a panic as it was all he had.  We prayed about it on the cold, aluminum soccer bench and encouraged him with a few verses of scripture.

I could tell he was doing better tonight, as he appeared to be confident and smiling as he waited for me to remove my headphones to talk.  He had taken our advice from the other day and called his Power of Attorney representative, who confirmed his account was intact.  The government was not able to find the account because they had not provided the correct information.  He was clearly relieved at the good news, and wanted to share his answered prayer with me.  After he left, I put on my headphones in time to hear Garrison say, "And that's the news from Lake Woebegon!…"   Oh well, it was worth it to hear my friend happy again!  The show wrapped up with an interview with Paul Bunyon.  Paul shared how he was kicked out of the Lutheran Church because he was "too big" for his britches.  So he joined the Unitarian Church, who though he was God.  I enjoyed a good laugh.  I will have to share this with my Lutheran friends tomorrow when we attend the Catholic Mass together!!!  I probably need to explain that last sentence, but you will have to wait for the NEXT post!!

I went to refill my water bottle at the ice room down the hall.  This would only take three minutes to complete, unless…

Yes, I was stopped by another Christian Brother along the way!  I call him, Angry Tom (name has been changed to protect the … innocent … or guilty), since he has a problem with - you guessed it - ANGER!  A few weeks ago, Tom stopped to talk to me as I watched some guys playing softball.  I have learned to be very careful not to talk about things that get Tom fired up.  Things like his anger problem and military service.  Of course, he brought up the military in our conversation.  I could see him change from pleasant to angry right before my eyes.  The veins in his neck appeared, his body stiffened and his neck stretched like a turtle poking his head out of his shell.  His neck stretched even farther and he positioned himself closer to my face.  His tone was sharp and he splattered his spittle as he spoke.  He asked me why I didn't serve in the military?  There is no possible answer I could give him that would satisfy him so I kindly replied to him that I did not want to talk about this with him.  This did NOT please him at all, so I braced myself for what was next.  He glared at me and then shouted in my face that I was a "coward" for not serving my country.  I did not respond by quietly prayed for him.  He repeated his accusation as though I did not hear him the first time.  He walked away in a huff, but returned to use some more obscenities, as he impugned my character at the softball field.  This was not the first time he has done this to me and others.  Sadly, he has been defined by his outbursts of anger and pride.  I forgave him in my heart, but he would not speak to me for weeks.  I made a point to say "Hello" to him when we passed in the hallway.  One day I shared in the chapel about what God was doing in my life.  I looked at Tom and he was staring at the floor to avoid me.  Pride!!  The other day, I passed by Tom as he sat on a bench in the recreation yard.  I almost tripped when I heard him say, "Hello" to me.  I replied pleasantly.  Each time we passed, he was becoming more open and even began to hold conversations.  I keep a tight boundary around our meetings as I don't have much confidence in him.

So getting back to my water bottle refill…

I ran into Tom and he wanted to talk.  So much for a three-minute-trip.  He had to tell me that some one retaliated against him.  Earlier he had an argument with someone else who was not happy with his hygiene.  I overhear that fight.  What makes me sad is that he is very vocal about being a Christian, as he quotes Bible verses in his conversations.  His pride and subsequent haughty attitude takes away the meaning of these verses.  It simply reflects poorly on the cause of Christ.  I finally escaped the conversation with Tom to catch the end of the show, but I was too late.  The show was over.

The next show on public radio is called "Mountain Stage".  They feature different musical guests with a folk and acoustic theme.  They travel around the country and this show was recorded at the Folk School in Grand Marais, MN.  I was instantly transported to a place I know and love.  I could picture the harbor and the Big Blue Lake in the background.  The big hill behind me is the entrance to the Gunflint Trail, which leads to the place where I proposed to my beautiful bride!  I had escaped my cube and landed in a great place on a warm sunny day with the cool lake breeze blowing inland.

I decided to make a sandwich, since the chicken and tofu dinner was not very filling.  I was told the tofu was added because the inmates who work in the kitchen have stolen so much chicken, they didn't have enough for dinner!  This has been happening quite often.  I picked out two slices of bread that weren't all that moldy yet and placed them on my locker top.  I opened a package of single-serve spam and squeezed it on to one of the slices of bread.  I bought a bottle of olive oil at the Commissary, so I thought I would use it on my sandwich instead of the Mayo packets I would normally use.  I grabbed some tortilla chips, my sandwich, and lounged on my bunk.  But really, I sat in a lounge chair in Grand Marais, listening to the show.   My imagination transported me there for a short time.  I wish my imagination could have changed the flavor of my Spam sandwich to more of a steak sandwich!!!  By the way, olive oil and spam do NOT compliment each other well…just in case you planned to rush out and pick some up at the store.

After my experimental snack, I went back to writing, so I could finish quickly.  My neighbor stopped over to chat with me for a while.  So much for writing!   It was a nice conversation, but I didn't really want to talk.  I wanted to listen to the music of Grand Marais and write.  I continued our conversation as he is a good neighbor and friend.

After the conversation ended, he left and I quickly put on my headphones and picked up my writing pad.  I didn't get very far when another friend stopped by to chat.  I was ready to give up my attempt to write.  I was also feeling anger welling up in my gut, because of yet another interruption.  But I knew this wasn't right.  After all, I had told him to stop over any time he wanted to talk.  I didn't explain to him that he had to make an appointment with my secretary first…ha ha ha.  I needed to honor my word.  While we talked, a co-worker from the Laundry stopped by to talk, but he could see we were talking about the Bible and he didn't have much interest in that topic.  He gave me a measuring tape and fabric chalk so I could use it for making alterations on inmate clothes.  Oh, by the way, I have a new job!!!  That is another story for when I can find time to write.  Now it's time for the 9:30 p.m. count, which means I'm getting tired and will lose my light soon.

After the count, I made a call home to my bride to learn she is coming down with a cold.  I finished the call when the timer cut us off mid-sentence.  I turned on my book light and started writing.  FINALLY!  Now I can write in peace.  Or so I thought!!  Merle  (Yes, that is a fake name, to protect the GUILTY) stopped by when he saw that I was awake.  Merle is a long-winded, half-hearted Buddhist who is going through "the Program" for sex offenders.  We hadn't talked for some time, but now we were going to catch up.  So we did.  He is a good man who is really working to make changes in his life.  I have tried to talk to him about Jesus, but he doesn't want to hear about Him.  But I still talk about Him in our conversations.  Even if he is not interested in my Faith, I will still be his friend and be there (here) when he wants to talk.

Merle was my last conversation of the day, literally, as it ended at midnight.  I want to finish this post so I decided to stick it out and complete it.  It is now 1:30 a.m.

I shared with you an example of how my days (nights) often become filled with unplanned opportunity.  I often feel like I have not accomplished the things I intended to do.  Things like:  reading my Bible, reading books in my locker, writing letters and cards, preparing for my advanced Heresy Study (oops!  I need to write about that topic too, when I get time!)  It must seem odd to read that an inmate is too busy to get things done.  Believe me when I tell you that it is a strange thing for me to even write it.  I have been feeling guilty about my lack of time to get things done.  I have applied to a local seminary who offers tuition free correspondence courses designed for inmates.  I was worried about keeping up with the homework.  Many inmates here signed up for the program.  One of my friends received a postcard from the school informing him they are postponing the enrollment due to lack of funding.  I was actually relieved to hear that.

I explained this to Jeannie when she came to visit me last weekend.  (No spam was served during her visit!!)  As we talked about it together, I began to realize how much of my time is spent on "relationships".  Could it be that this is what God wants me to do instead of isolating myself into a college level program?  Then Jeannie interrupted me and said something like…"Relationally loving people to Christ-Centered Wholeness?"  To which I replied, "What did you say?"  I heard her say it, but it didn't sink in.  It sounded familiar, but I couldn't place it.  She reminded me that this is the Mission Statement of our home church, Northridge Church, in Marshfield.  My mind started to make the connection.  Is this what being a missionary inside a prison is about?  It seems so simplistic.  Isn't relationship the core of discipleship?  It's not about a program…it's about a lifestyle.  It's more about influence as a result of our intimacy with God.  It's about listening to the Holy Spirit as He guides us, even when His plan does not match the plan I have.

Perhaps the interruptions are worth the time invested.  Perhaps I can pursue some less intensive study to further my knowledge.  Perhaps I can find some balance and maintain flexibility in the open door world.

Please pray for wisdom and guidance as I try to find my position in "ministry" here behind the razor wire.

It's approaching 2:30 a.m. now.  If this were a work night, my alarm would be going off in 30 minutes to start my day in prayer.  I can sleep in tomorrow (today, I guess) but I need to make it to Mass at 8:00 a.m. … or, I may just sleep through it.

P.S.  Remind me to tell you about Hampster Hank from Algoma, when I get the time!!!

Good night from Elkton…..Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

McFreedom out.