RUNNING TO LOSE…(PART 1)

It was a good summer here.  So much was happening that the time went by quickly.  You want time to go by quickly when you are in prison.  Yet at the same time our lives are short and we don't want our lives to pass by too fast.  We want to savor life, enjoy it and live it to the fullest.  After all our life is but a mist when compared to eternity.

Self Discipline is not easily mastered.  In fact I have struggled with it for most of my life.  I would make a resolution at the beginning of the New Year and by February I had given up on it. This might explain why I had such a difficult time controlling my weight.  I would try a diet and fail, try a new exercise and fail, join a gym and never go but once.  All of these decisions were made with good intentions but they never panned out for a lack of self-discipline and laziness.  Before I had my bariatric surgery I had to meet with a psychologist.  He explained to me that he has had patients who had bariatric surgery up to three times.  I laughed in disbelief.  But it was true.  The surgery is not intended as a cure to weight loss.  It is a tool to help you overcome your cravings and learn how to apply self-discipline.  I was unsettled by the thought I would still have to apply effort to obtain weight loss. I wanted a quick fix. So I agreed to apply the effort required. But ultimately it required me to make a choice, a commitment to stick to the plan required of me to lose weight. So I made that commitment.

When I attended my first session of PURE I had one of those "aha" moments that many men before me have encountered.  This was the moment when you realize that the decision to stop looking at porn is a choice that I had to make. I did not have to be a slave to my cravings and desires any more if I simply made the choice to stop.  I know this seems overly simplified but if you have been through any recovery you understand this concept.  It is a crucial step in recovery. It is a commitment to change and stay with this commitment. I remember one of the guys in our group was participating, not to overcome his porn addiction, but rather because he wanted to gain control of his eating habits and live healthier.  I found that odd at first, but it makes perfect sense to me now.

This spring my friend, Chad, challenged me to go walking with him on the track.  He had spent over two months traveling through the BOP system stopping at some of the worst prisons imaginable only to make a fifteen-minute court appearance. After returning from a very miserable trip he wanted to get outside and get back into shape so he could start running again.  I was not so sure about the running part but I knew I needed to do something and walking sounded like a good place to start.  I spent most of the winter inside reading.  One book blended into another book.  They lost their definition. It was time for something different and Chad's invitation to go walking was welcome. I had put on some weight from being sedentary and I needed to get some exercise.  Our walks started out very laborious for me. My body ached everywhere.  I got blisters on my feet. My arthritic ankle was in agony every morning after walking.  I learned I had a “psychotic nerve”  (note:  Bryan knows this is sciatic nerve, but feels it is “funnier” this way) that caused a severe amount of pain.  Any one of these would normally deter me from continuing.  This time I had a friend, a coach, who would hold me accountable and encourage me to continue and push through the pain and keep going.

On April 3rd, I weighed in at 240.6 lbs. on the scale in the work out room. Proof that months of sedentary life had caught up to me again. We started walking 3 miles and I thought I was going to die at the end.  This seemed like a long journey going round and round on the track.  It takes 3.5 laps around our track to make 1 mile.  After 17.5 laps I felt like I was stuck making left turns.  We trudged on and walked 6 days a week; eventually working up to 8 miles a day. It was a cold and wet spring.  The track was often muddy with scattered puddles.  There were more cold days than warm and some of them were wet.  If it didn't rain too hard we kept going; becoming soaked to the bone.  I like the warm sunny days the best.  

I applied a simple mathematical formula to this new workout routine that became my motto.  Burn more calories than I consume. This meant an overhaul on my eating habits. So I cut back on the cakes.  They serve cake here all the time; especially for breakfast.  They were not always good cakes but they were cake.  I cut back on the carbs and focused on the meat and vegetables.  Most of the vegetables are boiled until the color and nutrients are gone but I ate them anyway.  I cut back on my commissary snacking too. I focused on healthy snacks like apples and bananas that I brought back from the Dirty Spoon.  They have a policy about removing food from the diner but it is generally not adhered to, so I learned to carry whatever extras I could back to my cube for latter snacking. I found a good hiding spot that would require greater effort for the poo-lice to locate.  They found them a couple of times. One day I came back from breakfast with 4 apples.  I placed two in each sleeve of my sweatshirt and one in each of pants pockets.  We had a newer officer working that day who stood outside the entrance to the lodge.  He was looking for contraband food and came up to me and patted my pockets. "one apple, two apples.  Got anything else?" he asked me, I smiled at him and told him I liked them. He waved me on to go inside the lodge with a smile.  This officer is really nice and I have had several pleasant conversations with him since then.  He is not the typical cop here. He does not thrive on power and control. He is more about respect and kindness.  In fact, I learned that he is a next-door neighbor to our good chaplain. He and most of the other poo-lice are not interested in confiscating a few apples.  They are more interested in catching the guys who are "muleing" food back from the kitchen using bread bags filled with chicken and hamburgers.  Yes, this really happens.

I had also learned how to change my understanding of food.  Chad helped me to see the good foods I like so much with a new perspective. Where normally eating has become the object of my desire to satisfy the flavor craving I have at the moment.  Or it becomes the comfort food to pacify my boredom.  Instead, I learned to look at the food more as a fuel source that would best help me in meeting my larger goals of healthy living.  I looked at the honey bun with a very different attitude.  Instead of something gooey and sweet to that goes well with a cup of coffee, I asked myself how many laps would I have to walk to offset the calories.  This gave me power to say no. Instead, I looked for the proteins wherever I could find them.  This is a challenge with our menu options.  I am not a big fan of fish as some of you know.  But I am now eating more it here. The commissary sells packs of tuna, mackerel and even smoked sardines.  I purchased a sample of each them found them to pretty good once I got past the overpowering odor some of them have.  So I stocked up on tuna, sardines and mackerel and used them to replace some of the meals or supplement them.  After my work out sessions, I use soft tortilla shells and open a pack of mackerel or sardines and add some Siam hot and sweet sauce or mustard for a nice post work-out snack.  Or I will use a packet of black beans I picked up from commissary and mix some tuna in it for dinner.  These are very satisfying and healthier than some of the carb loaded meals served at the Dirty Spoon.

 Occasionally while eating in short line at the Dirty Spoon, they would chop up vegetables and offer them to us.  Whenever they did this I stocked up with more servings than I should have.  I would stuff my pockets with the raw carrots and celery to take back to the lodge for a treat latter. I have also purchased some V8 juice from commissary and when I had these vegetables I would mix up a nice virgin bloody marry with hot sauce and pepper.  It is the simple things like this that are not only good for me, but remind me of being home again with my bride.

Recently, my coworkers at the Suds & Duds laundry were out on the loading dock while the food service guys unloaded pallets from the truck.  My friend spotted six boxes on the bottom of a pallet labeled "Cantaloupe" on them.  This came as a shock to us as we have not seen cantaloupe since we have been here.  We watched as they moved that pallet into the storage room and speculated that we would never see them again.  They would likely be stolen and sold exclusively back at the lodge.  Much to our surprise we found them quartered and on our breakfast trays. I even convinced one of the kitchen workers to bring us some at work in exchange for a new pair of boots that our boss gave him.  I had my fill.

As the weeks progressed I watched as the numbers on the scale kept dropping.  It was encouraging to see.  By June I had met my goal of losing 20lbs.  Since it was going so well I then made a new goal for another 20lbs.  My endurance was getting better and I felt stronger.  The aches and pains were getting better.  The coaching I had from Chad really made the difference to my new routine.  He often walked with me and we talked about ways to improve diet and routines.  Other times our schedules did not line up for walking together so we would walk independently.  The important thing was that we would connect during the day to find out when we were walking and if we actually did.  Real accountability the kind you cannot hide from.  Chad also taught me about tracking my daily laps and recording them.  I had to draw up my own spreadsheet, which I fill out everyday, to record my progress.  It is amazing how powerful this can be when you can see the progress you make on paper. 

The summer here was pretty hot.  The best time for me to do my walking was around 1pm when the sun was brightest.  By now I was up to walking 6 to 8 miles each day. It took me about an hour and 40 minutes to complete this distance. I did not let the heat stop me. In fact, I rather enjoyed the hot weather.  I know this seems odd coming from a guy who always preferred colder weather but when you lose a significant amount of weight, it is hard to stay warm.  I realized that once winter came I was not going to like spending this much time on the track when the winds blow strong. I was getting passed by the joggers everyday and it dawned on me that they spend much less time on the track and get a good work out.  Why couldn't I do that, I thought to myself? 

So I decided it was time for me to try out this jogging thing.   I started with one lap and realized it did not kill me but I was winded. So I began to alternate walking and running laps.  I like the idea that my time on the track was reduced a little. I was finding that I was getting very dehydrated with the additional running in the heat.  So I drank more water and pressed on.  I even had one of the inmate doctors here caution me about working out so much in the heat.  I was careful but I kept on going.

Then came my first milestone.  I ran 3.5 laps continuous without stopping.  I ran my first mile since high school!  This blew my mind as I realized how long ago it was that I could run that far.  I could not sustain this continuous running so I continued to do my alternating laps.  As August pushed on I started putting these laps together and I was getting consistent with a mile run every day. Then I would finish with walking laps.  I added more running laps to this each week and today I am running 4 miles every day without any walking.  I now spend 40 minutes on the track and I am done.  This should help me tolerate those cold winter winds when they blow.  This is a long way from where I started this past spring.  It is amazing what happens when you make a commitment to discipline yourself to achieve a goal.

(To be continued…)

McFreedom

(Picture of Bryan and I at our August visit 2014)

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