Finding JOY in Dark Places – Continued…

…. Our days and nights blended together.  We slept whenever we could.  The only sense of time we had was from our meal delivery and the window.  Boredom was the enemy.  I fought it with sleep, reading my King James Bible, praying and talking with my cell-y.  I realized boredom was winning.  So I started to Thank God for the things I had; even the simple things.  This helped me to change my attitude.  I went to the Old Testament and read all the stories of our forefathers.  Joseph – in prison; Joshua – taking over Canaan; David – taking out Goliath; Daniel and the big “cats”; and the big HOT furnace for Shad, Shack, and BGO.  I could relate to the heat and I know God is with me in this cell.  This gave me strength, comfort and great peace!  Boredom lost this battle with the power of God!

We had hoped that we would be shipping out before Thanksgiving, but we did not put much weight on the idea.  The Monday before Thanksgiving the C.O. gave us forms to order basic supplies from the commissary.   Supplies such as stamps, envelopes, paper, etc. would be helpful to cut the boredom.  I was not sure that any of my money on the “books” (an inmates account that is used to purchase items and make phone calls) had been transferred to the federal system from the county system.   I was relying on faith that it had come with me.  Our problem was that we had the form, but nothing to write with.  Once again, we asked our friendly neighborhood orderly for a pencil.  He would not help us out.  We also asked the C.O. but when he came by…nothing!  My cell-y, who is more experienced that I, called out to our neighbor, the gang member.  He said he would loan us his pencil.  We just had to find a way to get it from him as we were both locked in our cells. 

There is an opening under our doors that is about 1 ½ inches high.  So we had to go “fishing”!  A previous inmate had torn his sheet into strips and tied them together for our fishing line.  On the end of it was a bar of soap for ballast.  Using just his fingers, my cell-y had to “send” our line to the next cell and get it close enough for the gang member to reach it.  After several attempts, he caught our line and tied his pencil to it.  We pulled it in and we were able to place our order!  Our spending limit was $25.00 each.  We agreed to share the items, but we each had to buy our own F.M. radio.

Reality had set in that we would not be leaving before Thanksgiving.  We are not allowed to use the phone in the SHU until we have been there for 30 days.  I knew that “Mrs. McFreedom” was worried and wondering where I was.  There was nothing I could do but pray.  So I did…and often!!!  I had plenty of time.

Wednesday came and so did our commissary orders!  My prayers had been answered!  It felt like Christmas to a kid and you got everything you asked for.  The deodorant was scented so I put it on right away.  Now I didn’t have to smell my own B.O.!  I left the cap off and put it near the head of my bed as an air freshener.  I attacked the plastic package for the radio like a dog with a new bone.  It wasn’t long until I found two Christian radio stations.  I had not heard music for almost a month!  I laid on my concrete bed and soaked in the music.  I wanted to sing along with Worship songs, but I knew that I probably shouldn’t!  So I sang silently and lifted my hands to the Lord!  It was like water in the desert, or caffeine in the morning.  It was refreshing for my soul!

With the holiday landing the next day, I needed to get word to my wife.  I drafted a quick letter and put it in the door, hoping it would be screened and dropped at the Post Office that day.  At least that was what I hoped for.  It was later the next week before the letter arrived at its destination.  I spent the rest of the week discovering Moody Radio network.  I could barely get the station tuned in, unless I held the radio in just the right position.  They have wonderful teacher to learn from:  David Jeremiah, John McArthur, James Ford, Erwin Lutzer, James McDonald, and more.  This is a great ministry for inmates.  An elderly couple, Paul and Eleanor from Terre Haute, owned the local station.  I am convinced they run the station in their basement!  Paul and Eleanor would host Bible studies.  They read scripture but they used different versions of the Bible so they would get lost.  They even argued over different points, but it made me laugh.  I kept waiting for a dog to bark or the door bell to ring.  They were a hoot!

Just after Thanksgiving, I was laying on my slab (where else would I be???) when I heard the C.O. walking the range with his keys jingling (these are the over-sized jailer keys, much like the souvenir key I have from Alcatraz).  The jingling keys stopped outside my door and he slid some papers under the door.  I got up to look and saw that they were letters to me!!!  Several of them.  I was thrilled that my big brother had tracked me down on the Bureau of Prisons (BOP) website and shared with my family!  Great job, Bill!  My family found me and sent me letters.  Suddenly, I did not feel alone and isolated.  I read the letters over several times.  I felt connected again!

After thirteen nights here, we were notified when we received our breakfast trays that we were shipping out after breakfast.  There was a sense of over-whelming relief.  I could not take anything with me.  I took the letters I received, tore them up and put them in the “Shred-Master 9000”.

The C.O.’s escorted us off the range and we could feel cooler air.  They gave us new travel clothes and stacked us in the bullpen until the Marshals were ready to load us.  As we sat in the room together waiting, everyone started to complain about how they were treated here compared to other prisons.  I soon learned that we were not the only ones treated poorly by the C.O.’s.

After reading about this experience you may have a tendency to feel bad or pity me for what I went through.  This is NOT what I want you to feel.  I hesitated to write this entry for that reason.  Remember this:  I am here because of MY poor choices.  What I do want you to walk away with is this:  My God brought me through this!  I was alone in a dark place.  I called out to God and He heard me.  He knew what I needed and delivered me.  I saw God work in my weakness.  I am thankful for this trial.  I understand a little better why the Apostle Paul spoke of being thankful in every circumstance and under every trial.  God is powerful in our weakness.  I give praise to God for bringing me through this trial! 

McFreedom

“The closer we are to Jesus,

The closer you are to Joy.

Rejoice in the LORD always!!”  -- Erwin Lutzer