Finding JOY in Dark Places

"Consider it PURE JOY, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."   James 1:2-3

....We sat in a waiting area until the last of our group completed their processing.  One of the C.O.'s (this is short for Correctional Officer - also known as COPS) announced that we were going to stay here at the SHOE.  This was a new term for me, but I gathered from the groans of the group that it was not pleasant.  I learned later that SHOE is short for "Special Housing Unit" -- oh, SHU, not shoe.  I guess it depends on how you define "special".  I was about to learn the B.O.P.'s definition.

They marched us down the hall, free of any chains.  We were ushered into another holding room.  The door to this room was old-style bars that you may have seen in Sheriff Andy Taylor's office in Mayberry.  I'm not sure, but I think I found initials carved on the all by Otis!  It is typical in these holding cells (also called Bullpens) to have a uni-toilet in the room.  Not in this room!  I looked over the scuzzy floor and in the corner I saw a plastic urinal like you would get in the hospital sitting over in the corner.  What made this even worse was that it had been USED and was not cleaned out!!!  I could see the dried urine on the inside.  I shuddered in disgust at the sight of it.  I knew this was not going to be a good experience.

We had just changed into our "over-sized" new clothes and now had to change into the new set of clothes that met the requirements of the SHU.  They called us out in pairs and put us in handcuffs.  We were escorted to the control center of the SHU.  Here I could see two long corridors; each had an upper and lower corridor (they call these "ranges" - but this one made me think of a catacomb).  There were six steel steps going to the upper "range" and six steps going down to the lower "range".  We were marched up to the farthest range where the heat was accumulating.  There was a large turbo fan facing down the range, but it wasn't turned on.  I don't believe it was ever used while I was there.

The C.O. was holding my arm with a tight grip as we marched past the beat-up green doors of the cells.  I could feel the eyes watching me from inside those cells.  We stopped in front of a cell and the C.O. called "control" to have them open the cell door.  We walked into the cell and they handed us our bed rolls.  We stood there motionless in a state of "shock"!  My thought was, "Were we in a third world country?"  The cell was disgusting!  The uni-toilet had not been flushed from the last use.  (I will spare you the gory details!!)  The toilet drain had a leak and had collected under the toilet.  There was a mattress missing on the top bunk.  The lower bunk had an old mattress that appeared to be made with a burlap-type material.  It looked like a good "bed bug farm".  The C.O. brought in another mattress for the top bunk.  This one was a fiber-fill mattress but it had no covering - just the batting!!

My new cell-y and I stood there with our hands cuffed behind our backs in amazement by the conditions of the cell.  It seems the C.O. was put off by the conditions, also.  What happened next had to be directed by God himself.  This is the one and only hint of compassion I experienced by the C.O.'s at Terre Haute.  The C.O. called control and said, "I need another cell!"  They located one on the other range.  We marched down the dank corridor and went down the steps and over to the other range.  They put us in the last cell on the range.

This cell had a clean toilet and the mattresses had vinyl covers on them with some tears in them.  They took off our hand cuffs and locked us in.  My cell-y was younger (34 years old) and very nice.  He graciously let me have the lower bunk because of the bandage on my arm (from the burn).  The lower bunk was made of concrete slabs.  The base was poured concrete.  The top was three separate slabs they joined together.  (Not your typical "Sleep Number bed")  The long edge was uneven and looked unfinished.  There were four heavy, large eye bolts stuck into the four corners of the slab.  They must have used these to lower it in place with a crane.  I felt like I was sleeping on top of a burial vault.  The mattress made it comfortable.  Above me the upper bunk was filled with graffiti and "soft pornography".  I wondered how this even got inside a prison?  The rules are clear, but they are not being enforced.  The cell across the hall was "fishing" for a Spanish pornography magazine.  The "line" they used to grab the magazine came unhooked leaving the magazine stranded on the range.  The C.O. came by, picked it up, and handed it to the inmate that was trying to obtain it.  It makes me wonder if the C.O.'s bring in the contraband.  The pictures above my bed melted away when I scrubbed them off with wet toilet paper.

There was a window in our cell that was 4 inches wide by 36 inches tall.  The glass was clear and faced the West.  Just below us was the parking area for the buses so we could watch arrivals and departures.  This was also the smoking area for the staff.  Off to the South was the newer  SuperMax facility which gave me goose bumps to look at.  As hot as it was in our cell, those goose bumps felt refreshing.  We did not have a clock, so there was no sense of time.  We did have a "sun dial" marked on the floor and wall of the cell from 2:30 p.m. to 6:00 p.m., thanks to a previous inmate.  The marks were way off for this time of year, however.  I saw some spectacular sunsets from this window.  The colors were turquoise sky and deep oranges as the sun set on the other side of the Wabash River.  I felt as though God was letting me know that I would be all right.  It was a display of His mercy in a dark place.

The floor looked as though it never saw a broom.  We found clumps of hair that we named "Hair Bunnies".  We used toilet paper as gloves and picked up as many as we could and flushed them.  The problem is they kept coming back!

We had a shower in our cell, but it was "frightful"!  It was tucked in a corner and triangular in shape.  The stall was tiny.  It was all I could do to stand straight up and touch the walls or the curtain.  The walls had been painted, but had large areas that had peeled off and lay on the floor.  The walls were coated with soap residue from lack of cleaning.  There was more hair on the floor and in the drain.  On the wall to the range they had a window for the C.O.s.  The window frame was painted green once, but had turned rusty, leaving rust streaks on the wall.  I wasn't sure if I was getting cleaner by going in the shower.  It was necessary though to shower, with the amount of sweating we did.  It averaged about 85 degrees in our cell everyday.  We tried to time our showers at cooler times of day because of the humidity we added to the cell.  I dried off after the shower only to be soaked with sweat ten minutes later!

We had the standard uni-toilet which had VERY good suction power, that could pull you in!  My cell-y demonstrated the indestructible power by flushing banana peels!!!  When it came time to leave, I was not allowed to take my letters with me, so I tore them up and flushed them all the way to the Wabash.  We named the toilet the "SHRED MASTER 9000".   The room had a couple of air vents that were painted white at one point, but now had rusted.  Air flow was minimal and offered little relief from the heat or the smell.  I think the building is so old and worn out that it will never smell good.  It didn't matter, it was by far better than the first cell we were in!

It took a few days to adjust to the conditions of our new house.  I tried to imagine that I was camping in the woods.  Except that is much different kind of dirt.  What did help me during this time was recalling the stories I read about Christians in Russia who were put in jail for their Faith.  They had conditions much worse than I did.  I also thought about the Apostle Paul who spent years in prisons that likey had no plumbing.  Compared to what they had, I was in a Marriott Resort!

When we arrived in the SHU, we were told that we could get books, paper, pencils, etc. from the orderly (this is an inmate with privileges) when he came around.  Our first night, he rolled his book cart to the end but his shelves were pretty empty.  We asked him to turn the cart tot he other side, but he started wheeling away.  We asked him what gives and he responded that the C.O. said we couldn't have access to the cart.  I quickly asked him if I could at least get a Bible.  He hesitated and then grabbed one from the shelf, opened it half-way and shoved it under our cell door.  My cell-y also asked for a New Testament. We had to fight to get them, but it was worth it!!  We mad other attempts to get books and pencils but were denied.  The C.O. told us the orderly was just "messing with us" and the orderly always told us he was under orders by the C.O.  Who do you believe?  One of those requests to the C.O. ended with the C.O. shouting and cussing at us.  It was clear that we would not be getting anything from them!  What matters is that God delivered His Word to us!  He is faithful to those who love Him!

The heat made everything worse.  Most of the time we only wore our over-sized pants with the legs rolled up.  Sitting on my bunk reading caused me to sweat!  We had a little relief in the morning, but not much.  The first few nights of sleeping were difficult.  Yes, it was hot, but the "noise" was never-ending.  The inmates had a nightly "talk show" that often lasted into the morning hours.  The "host" had a voice that reminded me of Denzel Washington.  Other participants were:  Indiana, Mississippi, J.D., and Mike-Mike.  The topics were as strange as their names so I tried to tune them out.  About the middle of our stay, 'Denzel' was shipped out.  There was no more talking.  I couldn't sleep, it was so quiet.  That didn't last long.  The next night someone made a wolf howl sound, next it was bird calls, chickens and other animals.  This went on for a long time.  Our neighbor, the "gang member" finally got annoyed and shouted with his low toned voice to knock it off, so he could sleep - "You Feel Me?"  The range was silent after that.  For a couple of nights, at least.

As if the heat and the noise weren't bad enough, every now and then we could smell something burning.  It smelled like burning toilet paper.  This went on the entire time.  One night the odor was so strong in the middle of the night that the fire alarm went off.  It was a deafening sound that would not quit.  Instinctively, I got up and got dressed because I figured they would make us go out to the cold yard.  Then it hit me like a bucket of cold water in the face..."I'm in prison!  They are not going to send us outside!!"  So I took off my socks and shirt and tried to bury my head in the blanket to drown out the noise.

Stay tuned for more from McFreedom tomorrow.....